Crash And Burn
by JJ Rust
Summary: Lee Jordan tries to woo one of the Beauxbatons girls through music, but winds up picking the wrong tune.


_I did it. I really did it._

After months of pursuing, of asking, of pestering, of practically begging, Lee Jordan finally scored a date with one of the Beauxbatons girls.

"It is so beautiful here, Lee." Givette Generdue looked out at the lake, its surface sparkling in the sunlight. "It is almost as beautiful as the lake we have at Beauxbatons."

Lee grinned wide, glancing between the lake and the food spread out on the blanket. He worried a picnic by the lake would be too ordinary to impress this classy witch from France. But she seemed to be enjoying it.

"It's not as beautiful as you are, Givette."

The French girl giggled, her bright angular face reddening as she blushed. A gentle breeze played with strands of her short blond hair.

Lee jumped for joy inside. If he played his cards right he could be snogging her before dessert.

_And this should do it._

"Hey, Givette. How would you like to hear some music?"

"You brought a Wizarding Wireless with you?"

"No. Actually it's Muggle music, from one of their compact discs."

Givette canted her head. "But I thought Muggle devices could not work inside Hogwarts."

"My friend Dean Thomas showed me a way around that."

From under his robes Lee pulled out the CD. The cover showed a round-faced, middle-aged bearded black man. Underneath his face were the words THE BEST OF BARRY WHITE.

"The Muggles call him the king of lovemaking music," Dean had told him the day before. "You play this for that French bird and she'll melt in your arms."

Lee took out the shiny disc and held it before Givette. "The song I'm gonna play, I picked it especially for you."

"Lee, you are so sweet." She shot him a huge smile.

With his wand he created a red transparent ball around the CD. As it spun, the animated figure of a man with big black curly hair and a red and yellow flowery shirt stood on the disc.

Lee cocked an eyebrow. _That doesn't look like this Barry White fellow._

A soulful, melodic tune started up. Lee thought it sounded more depressing than romantic. But what did he know about Muggle music.

"_Well I heard that you're leavin', gonna leave me far behind . . ."_

Lee moved some food out of the way and slid closer to Givette. He went to put his arm around her.

"_So I pulled your name out of my Rolodex, and I tore all your pictures in two. And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go, just because it reminds me of you."_

Lee's face scrunched up. So did Givette's. How does tearing up pictures and burning down this malt shop thing make a girl melt in your arms?

"_I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass, than spend one more minute with you."_

Lee gagged. Givette's mouth fell open in shock.

"_I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches. Shove an ice pick under a toenail or two. I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue, then spend one more minute with you."_

Givette gasped and turned to him. "That is disgusting. What sort of music is this?"

"I . . . I . . . there must be some mistake here." Lee aimed his wand at the CD. He opened his mouth to utter the spell, then froze.

He never asked Dean how to shut off the bloody thing.

Lee swallowed as the song continued.

"_I'd rather rip my heart right out of my ribcage with my bare hands and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it till I die, than spend one more minute with you."_

A tremor went through Lee's body. He turned to Givette. Anger lines contorted her pretty face. She whipped her head to him, eyes burning with anger.

"Is that the way you feel about me? If you find me so repulsive why did you ask me here for this picnic?"

"No, I don't. I mean, it was a mistake. The song . . ."

Givette snorted and slapped Lee across the face. She rose to her feet and stomped toward the castle.

"Givette!" He stood. "Wait! Please! I'm sorry. I . . ."

"Lee! Hey, Lee!"

He turned to see Dean Thomas running toward him.

"Lee, don't play the CD in there. I accidentally switched them. My Weird Al Yankovic CD's in the Barry White case. And my God, whatever you do, don't play that song 'One More Minute.' You'll . . ."

Dean stopped running. His head snapped from Lee to Givette, who continued stomping back to the castle.

"Oh don't tell me you already played that song. Lee, I'm sorry."

Lee paid no attention to Dean's words. He just tightened his grip on his wand.

XXXXX

"So how about it?" Fred Weasley looked to his twin George, sitting across the table from him in the Gryffindor Common Room. "We pay First Years a couple sickles, have them eat some our product, and see what the results are."

"Brilliant, Fred. Besides, First Years will do anything you . . ."

Loud cracks from outside interrupted George. Seconds later Dean Thomas darted through the Fat Lady's portrait and tore through the Common Room.

"I'm sorry, Lee! For God's sake, I'm sorry!"

Lee pounded into the Common Room, teeth bared, spells shooting from his wand and narrowly missing Dean.

"You stupid, useless prat! You ruined everything!"

Dean disappeared through the entrance to the boys' dormitory. Lee was close on his heels.

Fred looked back to George. "Well, I guess Lee's date went well."

- THE END -


End file.
